There are several songs all about believing in love. I've heard them. I like them all. Because, I do, I believe in love. I believe in the idea of cupid, beautiful flowers behind a handsome man's back, rich chocolates in a heart-shaped box, and the sweet words you can only find written by hand in a mushy card. I believe in it all.
But, at some point, life moves on from there. Our worlds can't always be a contemporary romance novels. Or, could they? No. Eventually, we get to a place where love is real and sometimes hard. This love I'm writing about isn't only between a man and a woman. It is everywhere. It is between family members. It is found amongst friends. It grows in and out of life several times over. If it is true, it is sometimes strong, sometimes weak, usually emotional, and always dear.
In this love, there is a give and take. A point when each of the players has to learn to act upon the love without expecting to be left hanging out to dry all alone. The recipe calls for a bit of trust, with a dash of abandon, and sprinkle of a caring heart. When two healthy individuals partake in this recipe, the comfort of love can be so rewarding. However, there are times when the love grows among those that are not all about the giving.
I read an article recently that spent a great deal of time discussing the narcissistic personality. It seems as though pop-culture has been over-exposed to one such persona with a wee bit of tiger blood on his brain. I hate to spend more time on him, but at some point we have to realize that Charlie Sheen is a narcissist. He's concerned only of himself. He has total disregard for his children, family members, or anyone else in his personal sphere. He only cares about his plight, no one else's. That's about all I can say about that. But, these types of narcissistic personalities are not found only within the confines of pop-culture. They are all around us.
So, let me say that I'm pretty sure that love involved with a narcissist has the potential to be overly disappointing. Putting the love out there without having it returned might just be off-putting and eventually heartbreaking. Going through the motions of the natural give and take of a relationship without ever being given the chance of having it given back naturally can certainly be numbing after a while. After a singularly centered personality spends all of your time focused on the one they love (which is not you), what are your options? How are we to move on to a healthier partnership with this other person? I'm not really sure. I'm not really certain that you can ever move on to that healthier place.
I believe in love, but I don't always believe in forcing yourself to re-live pain, disappointment, or being let down time and again. I think at some point, if we can't get to a place of a natural give and take, back and forth, maybe it's time to cut the strings. Move on. Game over in that arena.
The narcissistic personality has to be able to overcome the self-centeredness to sacrifice for others. He or she will need to day-in, day-out give to another without going back to the old ways of thinking only of him or herself. Without the sacrifice, there really isn't love. Without passing the ball, you don't have a good basketball game. So, how can we exist in this unhelathy relationship? And to be totally honest, that's not the love that I believe in. I'm not totally sure that that is really love at all. It's more of just an arrangement.
So, there you have it. That's where my thoughts went, when I heard the Dixie Chicks song, "I Believe in Love." I really do believe in it if it is true and real. Otherwise, I'm not a believer. Hope you have some love in your world today!