Continuing to Love Unconditionally...re-post

As we continue to see our boys grow and change every day, I have to remain focused upon loving them unconditionally.  I pray each day for wisdom in directing them with a strong hand and soft heart.  Some days slide by with ease, while others seem like they are full of dilemmas.  By blogging about our many twists and turns of life, I am able to save on therapy bills and work out many of my thoughts right here online.

We never really know what each day is going to give us around our house.  I have one son that is dealing with social issues in his class.  He is having to learn about dealing with bullying and harsh words while living peacefully amongst his friends at school.  Another of mine, comes across pretty gruff at times and wants to always be the leader in our home without caring about the feelings of others.  My third lives in his own little happy world making new discoveries each day.  We just aren't sure what the fourth is going to be like, but we are hopeful that his easy demeanor will stay around forever. 

All of our boys are vastly different, however they will all be in their teenage years at one time.  If only I could repeat the same things to them every morning as they walk down the stairs to scarf down some cereal and run out the door to school.  By doing this, maybe I can protect their precious little souls from self-doubt or physical injuries from those around them.  This is what I would say...

Good morning my dear child.

One day, you will no longer be a small child that I can protect.  You will grow from a Curlee boy into the beginnings of a Curlee man.  You will need to discover the world on your own.  I will need to let you go out into the world to find your way and see what life has to offer you.

But, before you go, please consider these words...you are loved unconditionally by your father and me.  Unconditionally means that there are no words or actions that can make us stop loving you with our whole heart.  We will never turn our back on you, regardless of what you say or do.  The most important thing to us is you and your well-being. 

You will certainly find yourself in areas of distress for some reason or another throughout your adolescence and adulthood.  We all have at one time or another.  Not one adult around you has gotten to where they are in their life without traveling through a rock-bottom valley in search of life's meaning.  Remember, we ALL make mistakes.  It is the lessons we learn from these mistakes that mean the most.  Don't let your mistakes define you.  Don't let hateful words define you; you are so much more than a word.  Don't get bogged down in what could have been.  Strive for what can be...and follow that dream to the end. 

On our refrigerator, we have our house rules...

Always be honest.

Count your blessings.

Bear each others burdens.

Forgive and forget.

Be kind and tender hearted.

Comfort one another.

Keep your promises.

Be supportive of one another.

Be true to each other.

Treat each other like you treat your friends.

And most importantly, LOVE one another deeply from the heart.

These rules did not just happen to find their way to our fridge by accident.  No, just the opposite.  I searched for rules for our family that would characterize who we are and how we are supposed to act and treat one another.  But, these rules were not meant to pertain only to my children.  Just the opposite...I want you to remember them always and carry them with you out into the world.  I want every action to be driven by the words...LOVE deeply from the heart.  If your heart is driving your words, thoughts, emotions, and actions, you can never go wrong.

Oh, I know that you will be wronged and do others wrong throughout your life.  We all have.  But, to bear these mistakes and make amends for them is how you show love to one another.  It is the stuff that character is made of.  Hate and contempt can be so easy to fall back on, but it is putting the love out there that takes work.  Choose the love over the hate. You will never regret that choice...ever!  

Matthew 5: 44 ~  But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven.

Each time you feel hatred or anger for another person, pray for their life, their well-being, their happiness.  It is not possible to hate another person in the presence of God.  Let go of the anger that will encompass your whole being, and watch how God can work in your life.  This is of the utmost importance in being a man of character. 

As you have grown and started school, I have repeatedly told you how easy it is to try harder on your next spelling test, play a little bit better in the next football game, run faster when racing your brother, but you can't ever have a second chance to erase unkindness to one another.  Sure, you will be given a chance to say you are sorry, but you cannot erase the actions or words that you put out in the world.  You must always be a little kinder than necessary...it never hurts, and usually will help!

If throughout your young-adulthood, you find yourself lost or confused seek someone out.  I would hope it would be your father or me, but I am also realistic to know that it won't always be us that you turn to for help.  If not us, then someone.  Don't try to take the world on alone.  Don't try to re-invent the wheel.  Borrow wisdom from another...it's not plagiarism.  Find someone you can trust...or better yet, someone that we trust.  Consider them a mentor.  Bounce ideas off of them.  Listen to their thoughts...and then, follow your own heart. 

Throughout my life and your father's life, we have not always been the winners and not always the losers.  We are usually somewhere in between the two.  It is okay not to always be the most successful...just do your best...that will always be enough for us.  We trust you.  We love you.  We always want the best for you. 

Don't ever give up.  Don't ever think that suicide is an answer to any problem you have.  You may think that whatever has occurred, will ruin your life.  I am here to tell you it won't.  It might change your life greatly, but you can always be a glory to God.  You will come out on the other side, and we will help you to find your way.  Trust our love.  Trust your gut.  Trust in God.  Trust in kindness.  And most importantly, LOVE one another deeply from the heart.  Let love lead the way for you.  Don't let someone else define who you are.  Let your character define who you are. 

You are the last thing I think of when I go to sleep at night and the first thing when I wake up in the morning.

What do you say, think I'll have time to get all that in every morning over a light breakfast of cereal?  Oh, how I wish I could say that to all of my boys every day and see if it delivers us to a better place on the other side of this scary place called "adolescence"!

http://www.incourage.me/

Big day, little boat!  Today, I am guest posting for the first time ever at incourage.me, and I am so excited!  Also, I am full of nerves (trying to supress those, though!).  I am always amazed, humbled, and excited to read the daily posts on this site made just for women.  Take a walk, and please join me over there today!   Happy Saturday!!

Take a peak, if you will...http://www.incourage.me/2011/05/center-of-my-world.html#comments

The Perfect Storm

I wish I could tell you that this has been a 'one and only' instance.  It is not.  It has happened to me more than once.  These periods are times that I look back upon, shudder, and see where I lost my way in one clear instance. 

Each time seems to leave more of an imprint than the time before.  It is like walking through a fire only to find that you aren't invincible.  You are actually burned around the edges once you made it through to the other side.  To me, there is a clear explanation as to how this happens: I tragically and unequivocally lost sight of what is right.

It is the perfect storm. 

Mine is called self-righteousness.  Yours might be called something else.  But, we all have that one unsightly struggle that plagues us. 

Recipe:
{your ingredients can vary and can include one or all of the list below}
1 part self-righteousness
1 part frustration
1 part losing sight of God's way
1 part jealousy
1 part destructive words or feedback
1 part selfishness
1 part judgment

You put yourself out there.  You turned away from the light that serves as your guide.  You chose to consider only your needs rather than think there are other people in the room, house, business, etc.  You took one step, then another, and another and now you are all alone and you want to wash it all away. 

In that moment, I looked around and realized that I had turned my back on my God and His word.  It's as if I was in a high-school relationship.  I said, "Listen God, it's not you, it's me! You are great, but I need some space."

The past is our definition. 
We may strive, with good reason, to escape it,
or to escape what is bad in it,
but we will escape it only by adding something better to it. 

~Wendell Berry

It's like looking back in the rearview mirror of your car.  Remember the little lingo at the bottom...objects are closer than they appear.  Many times, these moments are the only thing you see in your rearview mirror.  You feel ashamed or embarrassed enough to let these past events define who you are for months, years, or a lifetime.  You let the past become the definition of who you are.  But, really, you are so much more. 

Maybe the things that happened out of self-righteousness have become your story.  We all have stories.  Some are fairy-tale like and others are true horror stories.  But, then when we turn to the Bible it seems as if within each blessed book there are stories of redemption. 

Imagine the blood, sweat, and tears of Moses and his people leaving behind their days in Egypt, being held in slavery, to make a covenant with God and venture to the Promised Land.  Those are moments when something good comes out of the bad.  These are the times when one is changed from their old ways through God's grace.

We cannot direct the wind; but can adjust the sails.
When we cannot change the circumstances,
we must change ourselves.

~Author Unknown

But perhaps, you would rather look back to American history for redemption.  Imagine for a moment those citizens of another land that boarded ships of every shape and size in every generation to come to a new and better country.  They left all behind to live a better life full of prosperity.  These immigrants may have sailed passed the Statue of Liberty, which embodies hope for a bright future.  In that moment, each passenger may have thrown away the past vowing only to look forward to better times. 

Sure, it will take a bit of hard work to live the good life.  Nothing comes easy. 

In whom we have redemption through his blood,

the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of his grace.
~Ephesians 1:7

This same redemption from the past is waiting around the corner for each of us.  By walking away from the moments than have grown over time to define who we are, we can look ahead for our own beacon of hope.  We can take the past and begin to realize it for what it is.  The past.  It can't be changed.  Perhaps it would have been best if it had never happened, but none of us has the power to change it. 

Yet, we all have the ability to define our outlook for what is ahead.  Perhaps, it happened for the best.  Maybe, by walking through the fire once, you have saved yourself from walking that way again.

That is the challenge we face, I believe: Sometimes, only to survive, only to endure, but mostly, to believe that we are blessed and not cursed. To see the challenges we face in life and not trivialize them or dismiss them, but also to see them as opportunities for growth.  Opportunities that will help us to lead lives of greater fullness, richness, and depth, opportunities that might even inspire us to make the world more loving and just.

What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened,
it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. 

And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new. 

Right now.

~Author Unknown

Fwd: from November 2001

As I was cleaning out all of my e-mails today, I came across a folder where I have put joke forwards that I have received from years past.  I have had my personal e-mail address since the day I graduated from college.  That was 14 years ago.  So, I have accumulated some funny forwards. 

It is interesting to note that I don't seem to get as many these days...maybe forwarding jokes is a thing of the past.  Mom...please don't read that as I would like more forwards, because I don't.  K?

Anyway, I read this one about Osama bin Laden.  So, this is my attempt to stay current.  I know this might not be funny to others, but it makes me giggle.  I love the kitty poster imagery...gets me every time.  

From: Bin Laden, Osama

Sent: Monday, November 19, 2001 8:17 AM

To: Cavemates

Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours but we've really come

together as a group and I love that. Big thanks to Omar for putting up

the poster that says "There is no I in team" as well as the one that says

"Hang In There, Baby." That cat is hilarious. However, while we are fighting

a jihad, we can't forget to take care of the cave. And frankly I have a

few concerns.

First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we

should be even more concerned about the scorpions in our cave. Hey, you

don't want to be stung and neither do I, so we need to sweep the cave

daily. I've posted a sign-up sheet near the main cave opening.

Second, it's not often I make a video address but when I do, I'm trying

to scare the most powerful country on earth, okay? That means that while

we're taping, please do not ride your razor scooter in the background.

Just while we're taping. Thanks.

Third point, and this is a touchy one. As you know, by edict, we're not

supposed to shave our beards. But I need everyone to just think hygiene,

especially after mealtime. We're all in this together.

Fourth: food. I bought a box of Cheez-Its recently, clearly wrote

"Osama" on the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, my Cheez-Its were

gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying.

Finally, we've heard that there may be American soldiers in disguise

trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them.

First patrol will be Omar, Muhammed, Abdul, Akbar, and the new guy

Richard.

Love you lots.

Osama

What was it like before?

If you are a parent, I suspect that you reflect here and there about what life was like before children came your way.  As I am growing older in my journey of motherhood, I find it harder and harder to remember what life was like before "they" came into my life.  I vaguely remember sitting down after work and thinking how I was bored. 

“The ordinary arts we practice every day at home are of more importance to the soul than their simplicity might suggest.” -Thomas More

Sometimes, I really didn't have much to do.  I would wake, eat, shower, go to work, come home, eat, shower, and crawl in bed.  Sure, The Committee and I had fun along the way, but nothing really stands out.  As my days are flying past me as a mother, I find the memories are getting harder and harder to recall and nothing really stands out once again.  The big moments B.B. (before-birth) and A.B. (after-birth) are easy to recall.  But, the minor experiences and trouble-free days seem blurry.

Is that what life is like?  In the end, is it like a picture that isn't in focus?  You can make out the subjects, but the edges seem blurry.  I don't want that to be my past.  I want to recall the laughter over silly jokes.  I want to remember the smell of the top of my sons' heads when they were toddlers.  I want to know that I won't forget taking Sunday afternoon drives with The Committee when we had nothing else to do.  I long to remember the feeling of the boys brushing my hair aside to whisper sweet secrets in my ear over and over again.  I want to look back with gratitude for all the moments that came so easily.  I want my heart to be full of thanks for all of the blessings that have been placed in my life.  I want to know that at the end of every day, I placed my head down on my pillow each night and knew that my life was fuller than I ever could have imagined.

"Teach us delight in simple things,

and mirth that has no bitter springs"- Rudyard Kipling

But, I'm not sure how to make this happen.  I'm not sure that I am savoring the gifts that have been bestowed from the cup of God's grace.  The best remedy I have found so far is savoring the stillness in the few moments I can each day.  I have started trying to steal a minute in each day to take a deep breath and humble myself, create a bit of silence, and give thanks for the gifts I have been given.  It seems like an insignificant move, but it eases my concerns of forgetfulness and helps me to savor the tiny joys. 

 

The Giving is Better Than the Receiving

The giving in life, to me, is always better than the receiving.  Don't get me wrong, I love a good gift as much as the next girl, especially one that sparkles!  I look forward to getting a big hug from The Committee, but, I long to give my affection to all of my boys at any time of the day.  There isn't anything that I enjoy more than seeing a smile on a face because I gave something of myself in their honor. 

Over the winter, we went as a family to celebrate all of the February birthdays in The Committee's family.  February is a busy little month for our group.  We have several birthdays, one anniversary, and Valentine's all wrapped up into one short, little month.  It is a joyful month filled with love.

As we were at dinner, we all passed around presents for one another that were growing another year older.  My husband had decided he wanted to pass on a family memento from his grandfather to his new brother-in-law.  We were thrilled to see the emotion upon opening this gift.  It wasn't anything major, and I'm not even sure if there is a great deal of monetary value in the gift.  But, our new brother-in-law shares a love of Alabama football with my husband's grandfather.  The Committee wanted to recognize this shared trait.  It wasn't much, but it was a gift of family.

That's the key.  The giving doesn't always have to be much.  But, the meaning behind the small gift can be great.  It is the meaning that wins out in the end.  It is the offering that makes all the difference.  Imagine a teacher offering a kind, congratulatory word to a student.  How often does someone later in life remember this act of love versus the reason it was given?  Many times, the kind word can make all the difference for a lifetime.  Or, what about the gift of love to someone that has never truly felt loved before?  It has the power to change a life and a future. 

I love the hand me downs that my mother and father have given to me from my grandparents.  A few years ago, my uncle needed to do some spring cleaning and he passed on my grandmother and grandfather’s table to me.  It was always used in my grandparent's home as their dining table.  I can remember going to visit them, and we would always enjoy a family roast beef dinner together. 

In our house, we use it as our kitchen table.  In other words, this is the one place (besides The Committee's leather chair) in our home where someone in our family sits for some reason or another every single day.  Some days it's one of my school-age boys sitting there doing their homework or reading a book.  Or perhaps, The Wild Hair is home on one of his non-Mother's Day Out days eating his lunch while I unload the dishwasher.  One of us is there living out our life just as it was in my grandparent's home.  I love this table.  It is not at all sturdy enough for four rowdy boys, but it is most certainly sturdy enough to hold so many memories from my childhood as well as my mother and uncle's childhood.  It was a gift of convenience for my uncle that has so much meaning each day in my home. 

There are gifts of many different kinds.  All of them varying in substance and monetary value.  Some gifts are minor while others are major.  The giving isn't always easy, and the receiving isn't always graceful.  But, always the gift is a gift and generally the receiving is in the giving.  Serving one another is laying down our needs and looking to help another prosper.  This is truly the difference in living in greed and giving in grace.

Acts 20:35 (NKJV)

In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ 

It’s important to remember that “God prospers us not to raise our standard of living, but our standard of giving.” Jesus says that it is “more blessed to give than to receive.” Isn’t it a blessing to know that you’ve helped out someone in need? Doesn’t it make you feel good? I think it feels a lot better to give to help someone else than when someone gives to us, even though that’s great too.

It’s always rewarding when you help feed a homeless person or someone in poverty who can barely feed themselves. I think it’s rewarding to go on a missions trip to a third world country and just help those in need and pour into their lives. Isn’t that what Jesus modeled for us? To feed the hungry and help those in need? We should follow Jesus’ example of service in everything we do. We need to have an attitude of a servant.

Being true to who you are where you are

It is not the easiest thing in the world.  Staying true to who you are called to be can be hard even in the easiest of times.  I can't say that I have done a perfect job of it...probably not even once.  I know who I am supposed to be in the eyes of my God, my husband, my children, and my parents.  But, it gets tricky sometimes. 

Over the last few weeks, I have seen my resolve tested on many occasions.  But, I am trying so hard to stand firm not to crumble in the midst of confusion.  I am giving it my all to look the discomfort in the eye and persevere.  It's what I am aiming for all of my days.  I continuously think of this quote..."We're going to have to let truth scream louder to our souls than the lies that have infected us." — Beth Moore 

Each time I want to turn to an unkind word or a hateful thought, I think of the song "Who Are You When I'm Not Looking" by Blake Shelton.  It's not so much the words of the song that trigger my thoughts, but the title of the song.  I think a great deal about whom I choose to be around, and who they are when I'm not looking.  Are they true to their word?  Are they full of love and kindness?  If not, why are they spending a great deal of time in my life if our values are totally different? 

I know I have spoken about The Committee on many occasions, but I have to reflect upon his character for you to understand how good he is.  His theory in life is less is more.  Meaning if you stay true to your word, there is not a reason to elaborate.  He doesn't have the verbal attention deficit disorder that I have.  We all truly know that he says what he means and means what he says without a whole lot of fluff to clutter your mind.  I'm certain most men are like this.  But, not me.  It is something that I envy of the opposite gender.  I am constantly getting lost in the land mines amongst the spoken word.  I know in my heart who he is when I'm not looking and couldn't be more pleased.

But, on many occasions, I'm not always certain about who I'll be when no one is looking.  It's a time when I have to rely on moments of prayer.  I have to reign in my doubtful thoughts and know that in following the good, I need to let the bad fall away.  The world will continue to turn, I can't change that.  But, the imprint that I am leaving can be changed by me and me alone.  Walking in the path of Jesus will always lead me to be a better person than I am on my own.  I am hoping that I won't have to cause doubt about who I am when others aren't looking.

“Our love must not be a thing of words and fine talk. It must be a thing of action and sincerity."

(1 John 3:18).” 

"Who Are You When I'm Not Looking" by Blake Shelton