Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Center of the World

He can hear my voice and find me.  I can peek around the corner to check on him, and he instantly locks his eyes with mine.  They call it tracking.  It seems important.  My pediatrician asks me about it on each scheduled visit.  I nonchalantly nod my head that this does, in fact, seem to be happening in our house. 

I am the center of his world.  The Tiny Hair can spot me across a crowded room.  He can hear my voice and a smile spreads across his face.  It is a smile he holds just for me.  His eyes light up searching me out.  Mine is a voice that he listens for intently and calms his cries. 

I think to myself, do I have this center to my world?  Am I searching for a small voice that can ease all my worries?  Is there a something I am searching for that is held just for me?  Is my heart trying to find something, in this crazy, hectic world, that will lead me to be more than I am? 

I do.  It is Him.

He is the voice that will calm my fears.  He was a Son that was given to soothe all of my sins.  His Father gave Him to me to be the center of my world.  I am searching all through this world for answers that will subdue my questions.  But, never will my inquiries be appeased if I don't seek Him.  I am tracking Him and His path.  Some days it is easy to follow.  At other moments, I find myself walking through the tall brush that lies on either side of this clear trail.

In the clearing it is easy to trust.  It is easy to rest.  It is easy to follow.  But, how quickly this ease can turn to doubt.  We can look around and see Him working in the lives of others.  Others are able to follow the path effortlessly, while I am struggling with my way.  My way seems blurry, bumpy, and broken.

As I was talking with a dear friend the other night, she said she is so in love with His words...with His way.  She can't get enough of His stories.  She wants to pass His wisdom on to her daughters with ease just as her mother and father did for her as a child.  Oh, how wonderful this sounds.  How richly blessed to have a heritage such as this.  How can I get there?   

For the past 35 years, the center of my world has generally been me.  I have focused upon my needs, my wants, my desires.  I have never really given up on myself.  I have made sure that I have what I want.  But, what if there is more?  How can He use me to be more?  To give more?  To help more? 

It is heartwarming to be the center of someone else's world.  Yet, a tricky place to be as well.  I am moving through my days trying to fill big shoes each day.  I am trying to follow Him while leading them.  I want to pass the center of my world on to be the center of their world.  I am hoping that in following the good, I am able to let the bad fall away.  Focusing on this center is hard.  Please don't let me give up.  And, I pray that He won't give up on me.

Who is the center of your world? 

{The words of this song are simple.}
{They echo my inner thoughts.} 
{In fact, they could be my daily prayer.}

1 comment:

shannon said...

You will think I am a crazy stalker! After you sent me your link, I sat here and read every single entry and laughed and cried! I love reading your words of encouragement, love, faith, family, friendships, faults, happiness, memories and life! I can relate to every story you've told (minus the 4 boy thing - I'm stopping at 2)! I'm so thankful you are a huge part of my life and thank you for the wonderful friend that you are and for being such a positive person! I can't wait to read more! You will be published some day - I just know it! You are THAT good! Love you Mo!!